Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
