Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
