i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
