She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
