it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
