Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
