I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
