someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
