thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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