wakey wakey hands off snakey
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
