every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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