Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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