The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
