Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
