I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
