One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
