please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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