the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
