I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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