Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize