If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
