Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
