Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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