i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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