i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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