alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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