OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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