i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
