remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
