What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize