Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
