I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
