I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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