So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
