i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
