you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
