Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
