I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
