I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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