well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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