I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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