I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
