After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
