My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
