Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
