I wish I only lived at night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize