Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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