Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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