Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
