exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
