i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize