If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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