I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
As shirtless as possible
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
