So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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