Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
