and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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