I could make wine with my vomit
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
