I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
