Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
