i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
