I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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