well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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