This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
