You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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