I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
